CHARACTERS

Top of the bill

ANSELM, that’s me!

Featuring

ALICE, a certain young lady

Notables

BILL, that girl’s belligerent father

CHRISTINE (Chris), my former wife, and continuing critic!

CORTÉS, a literary luminary                      

EDDIE (Squirt), a sorry acquaintance

GLORIA, the girl’s glamorous mother

GRACE, Gloria’s good friend, and my . . . ?

IVAN (The Terrible), an alleged employee

JILL, my meritorious manager

NICK, an aspiring young writer

RUDYARD, my best friend

SONJA, my scandalous sister

Supporting cast

AGATHA, my beloved

ALFRED NEVADA, a long-suffering server

BERNIE, a disgraced department chair

BETTY, my dear mother

BRADLEY, the vilest of villains

CECILIA, a club member, and regular visitor

CEDRIC, the girl’s special friend

CHANTAL, my sister’s partner in crime

CHAZ, Emil’s wastrel son

CHUCK,  Jill’s jovial husband

CORINNE, an inviting mail carrier

DOROTHEA, an officious club chair

EMIL, a wretched restaurateur

ETHAN, a shape-shifting young man

FOSBURGH, my former boss

GERTRUDE (Gertie), Agatha’s successor in my heart

JACQUELINE (Jackie), a misused mistress

JERRY, a portly party guest

LAMAR, a loquacious club speaker

LILY, the girl’s more sensible sister

LIZZY, an underage drinker

LUPA, the girl’s comely companion

MAGNOLIA, a colorful gallery owner

MELANIE (Mel), the parish pâtissière

MELODY, my wife’s questionable friend

MISSY, a buxom bartender

MONTY, a curious little creature

MOSHE, my romantic replacement

NOAH, the girl’s well-blessed brother

REBECCA, a sorry affair

RITA, Christine’s lovely mother, and wearer of her hat

ROBERT, a pompous professor

SAL, my deceased father-in-law, and original lovely man

SEBASTIAN LEE, an unhappy landlord

ZEKE, a trouble-making youth